Monday, February 14, 2011
Draining
I know I have not continued with this but I do plan too. I find it very draining to bring up old memories and try my best to place them in the correct order. Please be patience with me this is a work in progress that I am determined to have done but I don't have a set date to complete it. Plus I wish everyone the best and don't wish to paint anyone with a bad brush. Somethings will look harsher in print then they actually are, somethings are based on emotions, so please don't be judgemental. As my favorite song says "until you walk a mile in their shoes..." you would not know how you could of done things differently!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
My Sister's Dad
Now as stated in the last post my mom met someone at the bar. I do believe this was a bar either on base or that all the soldiers hung out at. The guy she met was another solider. Once she and my dad split up she started to see this solider. One time they went to visit his family, they now live in Montreal, and I decided to get into her purse. Little kids get into everything LOL. I found her birth control pills and thought they were candy. I sat down on the floor and proceeded to eat them, oh and feed some to the dog, hehehe. I always thought that was funny. Needless to say my mom ended up pregnant that weekend thanks to me, and my sister was born. My mom decided the right thing to do was to marry my sister's father. Now up to the day of the wedding he was sweet and nice, not violent or any indication that he could be that way. After the wedding, that night in fact, he beat the crap out of my mom. This came as a complete surprise to her. Needless to say she did not stick around for more abuse. They were only married for a month or 2. She is a very strong woman to walk away from that situation and care for 2 children on her own. There are many women out there that could not do that or are unable to do that for what ever the reason maybe. It is difficult once lured into a relationship to just walk away when all you hold dear to you is taken so violently away. I am proud that she was able to care on and not look back on that dissension. It was the right one for all of us!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Mom, Dad and I
I was born in 1973 a month before my mom turned 18. We lived on base in Chilliwack, British Columbia. Of course I have no memories of this time as I was an infant. Nor do I have many stories. I do have pictures some pictures from my mom and ones that my Grandmother made copies of for me. Grumps, that is the name mom called my grandpa because he said he was too young to be a Grandpa yet, could hold my head in the palm of his hand and then my body rested down his arm. I was a tiny baby with dark red hair which turned to a strawberry red and then finally to blond. Now it has darkened to almost a light brown. We use to go visit my great grandpa on the island, I have several pictures of me and him. One of my favourite things to do was sit inside of a laundry basket, at Christmas I loved to play with the boxes. Typical baby stuff. My mom of course had no family around as they were all out in Ontario. One Christmas one of her younger brothers got kicked out of her parents home. She opened her home to him. He traveled cross country and stayed with us. I am not sure for how long but my grandmother said he was a very polite and courteous young man. And that you could see the love between the 2 siblings. I have a picture of him sitting at Christmas dinner with us and my grandparents. It is one of the few pictures I have of my mom when she was young and of any of her family. At some point in the first 2 years of my life we got posted to Ontario. Dad, being in the military, had to take courses in different parts of Canada. He was sent to Borden, Ont. quite a bit.
Now this part is not to be mean to anyone, it is a memory told to me by my step mom's mom. The reason it is her memory is because my mom or I have never been told the whole story by my dad. Maybe one day he will share his side but until then I have an outsiders view of the events leading up to my parents divorce.
While on course in Borden. dad met my step mom. I am unsure of how they met but do have the story of their romance in a way. My step mom brought dad home to met her mom and he stayed the weekend on the couch. He was very polite, well kept and domesticated. He kept a picture of my in his wallet and was very proud of me. He told everyone that I was his niece and my step mom's mom could see how much he loved me. She always wanted me to know that no matter what happened between my mom, dad and her daughter it had nothing to do with me. She is a kind woman I am grateful she told me of how the relationship started between my dad and her daughter. When dad was back home off course, my step mom and her mom fought about my dad. She told my step mom that he was to domesticated to not be married and that she should not believe everything my dad said. That he had to have a family somewhere. My step mom refused to listen, I think she was about 16 when she met my dad. This went on for awhile and every time he visited it would be for a weekend and he would stay on the couch. He finally told them the truth and that he was planning on divorcing my mom and marrying my step mom. I am not sure of the order of events here but one time while home he told my mom that he did not love her anymore and that he had found someone else that he loved and that they need to get a divorce. Now my mom loved my dad with her whole heart and soul and would do anything for him to make him happy, even if that meant she had to give him up. As the story goes she went out to the bar and slept with another man. Back then it was a lot harder to get a divorce so she committed adultery so that they had grounds to file for divorce. Unbeknown to her she already had grounds to divorce him as he had been sleeping with my step mom. So dad went back and got my step mom and they moved in to an apartment by my mom. My mom befriended my step mom and introduced her to all her friends and basically took my step mom under her wing. I find this amazing, a woman comes along steels the love of your life and yet you help her in every way possible to feel welcome and excepted. I have about 2 memories from this time of my life. I remember receiving a stuffed Eore that had a tail that would come off and getting a Fisher Price Circus Train. I also remember visiting my baby brother. Once my parents got divorced dad married my step mom and they started to have kids. I was three when my brother was born and I remember being held up to see him sleeping in his crib.
Now this part is not to be mean to anyone, it is a memory told to me by my step mom's mom. The reason it is her memory is because my mom or I have never been told the whole story by my dad. Maybe one day he will share his side but until then I have an outsiders view of the events leading up to my parents divorce.
While on course in Borden. dad met my step mom. I am unsure of how they met but do have the story of their romance in a way. My step mom brought dad home to met her mom and he stayed the weekend on the couch. He was very polite, well kept and domesticated. He kept a picture of my in his wallet and was very proud of me. He told everyone that I was his niece and my step mom's mom could see how much he loved me. She always wanted me to know that no matter what happened between my mom, dad and her daughter it had nothing to do with me. She is a kind woman I am grateful she told me of how the relationship started between my dad and her daughter. When dad was back home off course, my step mom and her mom fought about my dad. She told my step mom that he was to domesticated to not be married and that she should not believe everything my dad said. That he had to have a family somewhere. My step mom refused to listen, I think she was about 16 when she met my dad. This went on for awhile and every time he visited it would be for a weekend and he would stay on the couch. He finally told them the truth and that he was planning on divorcing my mom and marrying my step mom. I am not sure of the order of events here but one time while home he told my mom that he did not love her anymore and that he had found someone else that he loved and that they need to get a divorce. Now my mom loved my dad with her whole heart and soul and would do anything for him to make him happy, even if that meant she had to give him up. As the story goes she went out to the bar and slept with another man. Back then it was a lot harder to get a divorce so she committed adultery so that they had grounds to file for divorce. Unbeknown to her she already had grounds to divorce him as he had been sleeping with my step mom. So dad went back and got my step mom and they moved in to an apartment by my mom. My mom befriended my step mom and introduced her to all her friends and basically took my step mom under her wing. I find this amazing, a woman comes along steels the love of your life and yet you help her in every way possible to feel welcome and excepted. I have about 2 memories from this time of my life. I remember receiving a stuffed Eore that had a tail that would come off and getting a Fisher Price Circus Train. I also remember visiting my baby brother. Once my parents got divorced dad married my step mom and they started to have kids. I was three when my brother was born and I remember being held up to see him sleeping in his crib.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
a Begining
I was almost 3 when my sister was born. My mom was married to her second husband, who was military, and I do believe we lived on a base. I think it was in Ontario, maybe Petawawa not sure, never really asked because it did not really matter to me even now. I don't remember much about that time. The closest memories I have were after that and it was summer I think I was a couple of years older but not yet in school. What I do remember is a huge willow tree in our neighbor hood that me and a friend use to play under and that there was a picnic table under it too. I also remember a story about 2 kids that got attacked and killed by the river by a black bear and that the military created a manhunt to find the bear and put it down. I think at the time of these early memories my mom was with her yet to be 3rd husband. More on that later.
Now here is were I need to tell my mom's stories about this time. Before that I will give a little back ground leading up to my sister's dad. My mom met my dad on a military base, her dad was in the army. She and several other girls use to hang out at the mess hall and play cards with the soldiers, the soldiers missing their families would sit and talk to the girls about their homes, their families and their girlfriends that they missed. It was a very small base so the only place for the teenagers to hang out was the mess hall. I do know that she was proposed to by many of the men due to her caring and ready ear. My dad was one of those single men who had proposed but like all such proposals she ignored it because she did not take it seriously and thought that like all the rest he was joking. He went back home which was on the west coast and mom went about her life as usual. During that time my dad started to write my mom letters and love poetry, he has a wonderful way with words as I have the letters he wrote to me. She started to fall in love with my dad through these love letters. In one of these letters he told her he was coming back to Ontario to marry her. The next thing she knows is he shows up several months later to marry her. She, needless to say was a little stunned. She was in High School at the time and her class was going on a cruise to Rome and Greece. Her step-mother gave her a choice go on the cruise or get married. Surprisingly she decided to get married. She tells me she loved my dad and that she still does for he was the love of her life. So my dad and mom got married and then he moved her to Chilliwack, BC. all the way across the country. He took her to met his family, who were not aware he had gotten married and were told when they got there and he introduced her as his wife. My grandparents are amazing. They just found out their son has a new bride, that she was 16 years old (my dad was 21) and their house on base was not ready yet. So they opened up their home and hearts to her and she lived there until she moved into their own place which was a couple of days later. Now that is how my mom and dad met as far as I know.
A little history about my mom's life before my dad. Her life was not idealistic. Her father was an alcoholic and got very violent when he drank. He use to beat her brothers and sisters with a leather belt and on occasions use the buck. Anyone in the military will tell you that the belts are thick and the belt buckles are very heavy and have several edges to them. I also know that her mother was very verbally abusive to the kids as well. Mom's older sister had run away from home and she had no contact with her. Of course when my dad came back and offered to marry her not only did she do it because she loved him but as a way out. She never put it that way but having been involved in abusive marriage that is how the brain works. This is about as much as I know. My mom's childhood was not positive and she doesn't talk about it much. Who would want to relive those memories, not I.
This is quite long and I want to continue the story. I will end this post because the next one will deal with my dad and some of the stories that other people have told me that concern him and why my parents ended up divorcing. Plus I would like my mom to read this and tell me any corrections I need to make on her story because as I said my memories are incomplete and I am, in this post, retelling what she has told me.
Now here is were I need to tell my mom's stories about this time. Before that I will give a little back ground leading up to my sister's dad. My mom met my dad on a military base, her dad was in the army. She and several other girls use to hang out at the mess hall and play cards with the soldiers, the soldiers missing their families would sit and talk to the girls about their homes, their families and their girlfriends that they missed. It was a very small base so the only place for the teenagers to hang out was the mess hall. I do know that she was proposed to by many of the men due to her caring and ready ear. My dad was one of those single men who had proposed but like all such proposals she ignored it because she did not take it seriously and thought that like all the rest he was joking. He went back home which was on the west coast and mom went about her life as usual. During that time my dad started to write my mom letters and love poetry, he has a wonderful way with words as I have the letters he wrote to me. She started to fall in love with my dad through these love letters. In one of these letters he told her he was coming back to Ontario to marry her. The next thing she knows is he shows up several months later to marry her. She, needless to say was a little stunned. She was in High School at the time and her class was going on a cruise to Rome and Greece. Her step-mother gave her a choice go on the cruise or get married. Surprisingly she decided to get married. She tells me she loved my dad and that she still does for he was the love of her life. So my dad and mom got married and then he moved her to Chilliwack, BC. all the way across the country. He took her to met his family, who were not aware he had gotten married and were told when they got there and he introduced her as his wife. My grandparents are amazing. They just found out their son has a new bride, that she was 16 years old (my dad was 21) and their house on base was not ready yet. So they opened up their home and hearts to her and she lived there until she moved into their own place which was a couple of days later. Now that is how my mom and dad met as far as I know.
A little history about my mom's life before my dad. Her life was not idealistic. Her father was an alcoholic and got very violent when he drank. He use to beat her brothers and sisters with a leather belt and on occasions use the buck. Anyone in the military will tell you that the belts are thick and the belt buckles are very heavy and have several edges to them. I also know that her mother was very verbally abusive to the kids as well. Mom's older sister had run away from home and she had no contact with her. Of course when my dad came back and offered to marry her not only did she do it because she loved him but as a way out. She never put it that way but having been involved in abusive marriage that is how the brain works. This is about as much as I know. My mom's childhood was not positive and she doesn't talk about it much. Who would want to relive those memories, not I.
This is quite long and I want to continue the story. I will end this post because the next one will deal with my dad and some of the stories that other people have told me that concern him and why my parents ended up divorcing. Plus I would like my mom to read this and tell me any corrections I need to make on her story because as I said my memories are incomplete and I am, in this post, retelling what she has told me.
Reasons
Why do a blog on my life/childhood. Recently I discovered that my sister has started a Blog, not a big deal right. Wish that were true. While reading it I had a strong desire to write down my own memories because of the way she has twisted her experiences and taken some of my experiences and tried to make them her own. Not only that but her memory has taken several different things and combined them into one experience. I, for myself and for my mother have to make a written record of my side of things.
As in all things when in comes to experiences, opinions and memories there are always more then one side to a story. By knowing or reading the different sides then there is a chance to put a closer picture of the truth together.
My memories will be incomplete I am sure but the damage my sister is trying to do and the heartache that she is causing not only our mother but me as well needs to be countered somehow. As I have told several of my friends, I am not worried about what they think because if they are true friends they will know themselves if these allegation's are true or not. It is the cry my sister has made to the public to harass my mom and my sister's encouragement to others out there to publish and send her blog to multimedia that offends me. Some of what I will tell you are based on stories that my mom told me while growing up so they are her memories. Also as the oldest of my mom's 2 children I have a longer memory and was present for the majority of my sister's "allegation's". Hopefully I will be able to shed some better light on things that happened and not the twisted memories of my sister.
As in all things when in comes to experiences, opinions and memories there are always more then one side to a story. By knowing or reading the different sides then there is a chance to put a closer picture of the truth together.
My memories will be incomplete I am sure but the damage my sister is trying to do and the heartache that she is causing not only our mother but me as well needs to be countered somehow. As I have told several of my friends, I am not worried about what they think because if they are true friends they will know themselves if these allegation's are true or not. It is the cry my sister has made to the public to harass my mom and my sister's encouragement to others out there to publish and send her blog to multimedia that offends me. Some of what I will tell you are based on stories that my mom told me while growing up so they are her memories. Also as the oldest of my mom's 2 children I have a longer memory and was present for the majority of my sister's "allegation's". Hopefully I will be able to shed some better light on things that happened and not the twisted memories of my sister.
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